I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
