allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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