so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
