just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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