Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
