Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just google imaged poop.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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