Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Small penises have feelings too.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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