i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
