I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize