if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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