Where did you get a picture of my penis
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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