If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
