K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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