i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
