shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
