But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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