i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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