Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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