We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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