this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
