im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize