dude i'm inner monologue high
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
