Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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