My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
