Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
