I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize