Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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