im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
