how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
