Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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