He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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