So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
