Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
