My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
