More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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