Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
