he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
