Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
