i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
