put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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