You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We have started to decorate penises.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
