he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
