just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
