Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
