I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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