my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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