"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I cannot find my penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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