My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
