Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
