My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
