sarcasm needs its own font
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
