Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
