I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
