Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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