I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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