If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
