I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
