i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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