What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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