Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
