I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
