She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
