You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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