so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
