I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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