Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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