That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
