You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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