It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
