Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
please don't ironically join a cult
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