Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
